Chasing Cars
by Hack.Drawer
Summary: Side Story to 'White Rabbit'. Sanji is determined to learn how to drive - thankfully, he's got a whole list of helpful friends who want him to succeed at it...or do they? Rated for language.


**Chasing Cars**

Law woke slowly, blearily opening one eye as the annoying pitch of an alarm penetrated his dreams. He wasn't even sure what he had been dreaming, only that it had been something pleasant. Once he realized the alarm was going off on the nightstand nearby, he reached out, snagged it, and tossed it over his shoulder. the sound of the phone clattering noisily against the desk, knocking over his cup of pens and pencils and sending them to the floor, caused an unnecessary ruckus. But the sound somehow ceased, and he relaxed against the pillow, intending on a few more minutes.

Next to him, a sleep snort happened, and then he stilled, holding his breath, hoping that the moment would pass. But it didn't. He felt Sanji shift, lifting his head from his pillow, smacking his lips lightly. Instead of behaving as a normal human being and returning to sleep, the younger man crawled over him with a sluggish, "It's time to get up! I'm going to go start the coffee, then jump in the shower – get up! Time to wake up! By the time I get out, you better have one foot out of those blankets!"

"Kill me," Law muttered into the mattress, pulling a pillow over his head.

"Not until _after_ , but maybe _during_ ," Sanji said, kissing him with a hasty 'good morning' before administering a hard slap to Law's ass. Law was definitely awake now, wincing as the man hurried off to the bathroom, whistling cheerfully. The rest of the ungodly hour - eight in the morning – passed by with Sanji hurrying through morning routine so they could get out the door.

Sanji was pretty excited. He had been looking forward to this opportunity for some time, now, ever since Zoro had suggested it the night he'd visited.

"We've all got our driver's licenses, so it's time for you to catch up," he stated over a plate full of ribs, onion rings and cornbread.

"That's probably not a good idea," Law had said over his plate, barbeque sauce smeared around his mouth – much like the others around the table. Sanji frowned at him, the only neat appearance in the bunch. "Statistically, women are bad drivers."

"True," Zoro agreed. "Nami's had to take her car in twice to the body shop after mishaps with stop signs and parallel parking."

"I'm _not_ a woman."

"You're the hole, here – "

"AHHHH!"

"Anywho, maybe you should teach him," Zoro said, rubbing at his ear as Sanji screamed with horror over Law's logic.

"That's a brilliant idea, Roronoa," Law agreed, for once not making a big scene of it. "Shachi. We need your car."

"Veto'd," Shachi muttered, cleaning off the bone.

"It's the only one with a driver's seat pillow so Sanji can look over the wheel."

"I'm _taller_ than him!"

"It'll be easy for you to learn," Penguin assured Sanji over Shachi trying to hit Law with his rib, Bepo trying to stop the fight with one outstretched paw, Chopper watching with horrified eyes. "All you need is the basic understanding of traffic flow. Parallel parking is the worst, so we'll work hard on that."

"I would love to know these things, so I can at least be a little helpful in times where you'd all need me. Like driving my friends places. Taking Chopper to the book store. Getting my own groceries," Sanji muttered, feeding Chopper the last of his cornbread, Zoro frowning at him with disapproval.

"You learn fast. I'm sure this will be a piece of cake," Penguin said with confidence, leaning over in his chair to use a foot to push Shachi back in his chair, and used an arm to push Law back into his, Bepo sighing with relief.

"So be it, then," Law said with an annoyed sigh, trying to feed Chopper his cleaned rib. "Here, Momo."

"Quit calling me that, asshole!"

"But dogs eat bones."

" _I'm a_ freakin' _reindeer_!"

Sanji had been cheered that he would be given this opportunity without interference of his boyfriend's rather overprotective nature. Usually Law put up roadblocks to the things that he felt interfered with Sanji's safety and security, so knowing that he was allowing him this opportunity without much of a fuss definitely gave him points.

Sanji had missed out on three years of learning opportunities, and while some things were falling into place, others were taking some time for him to catch up, to. Getting his driver's license would be just a check off the list of things he wanted to accomplish.

Together, the trio walked the few blocks needed to meet the others. Sanji was too excited to bother with Law teasing Chopper over leashed pet rules, trying to coax the reindeer into wearing the harness he had with him. In front of an abandoned store, Penguin was already seated with Shachi, both of them sharing McDonald's and hot coffee from a nearby gas station. Penguin was wearing his paramedic uniform, and Shachi looked like he'd been awake for days, struggling with his mid-terms. Zoro sat with them, calmly laying out a blanket for them to sit on while they waited for Bepo. Chopper went to him with a relieved expression, tired of being told to chase a ball into traffic for Law's amusement.

"Remember, it is imperative that you take the utmost care of the pedals," Law told Sanji, tapping his sword against his shoulder. "Seatbelt first. Take note of the mirrors. Be mindful of other drivers."

"This is a parking lot, I feel confident that I won't hit or be hit by anything over here," Sanji said, looking over the wide area.

The spread in front of him was a former parking lot for an abandoned grocery mart – it was fenced in and visitors were warned not to trespass. The last of winter's cold weather was an uncomfortable chill in the air, his breath visible as he spoke. Weekend traffic was minimum, and an airplane soared majestically overhead, cutting through wintery clouds with a swirl.

"Take it nice and slow."

"I often do, but somebody's foot hits the gas as soon as he touches it," Sanji murmured.

Chopper looked over with concern once he realized Law had Sanji in a headlock. He raced over with a panicked shout, Penguin sharing with Zoro one of his hashbrowns when Zoro mentioned that it looked good.

When Bepo finally showed up, Zoro whistled. "That's a nice car."

"It's a 1967 Chevy Impala. Everything about it was remastered and modified, and it comes complete with this awesome sound system that makes your ears ring for days," Penguin said, admiring the car for a few moments, as Bepo parked carefully in front of them. He turned off the rumbling engine, keys jingling. "I know nothing about cars, but this one definitely makes me wish I had one. I'd be so cool behind the wheel of that thing."

"It would do nothing for you," Shachi said with a snicker. "You would still need cool points to get noticed."

"Only _you_ need that extra effort, momma's boy."

"SHUT UP!"

"It's so shiny," Sanji said with uncertainty, yanking away from Law's grasp. He walked over to the car with his hands fluttering over his own coat with nervous action. "It's intimidating. Where has this been hiding?"

"In a secured garage across town," Bepo answered, climbing carefully out from the front seat. "It rarely sees the light of day. I figured this would be a good reason to appropriate it from its confines and let it stretch its legs. Go ahead, Sanji, take the driver's seat. Adjust it so that you're comfortable behind the wheel."

"Hey, don't crash!" Zoro called out helpfully.

"10 and 2!" Penguin said with a snicker, unwrapping another Egg McMuffin.

"Check your blinker fluids first!" Shachi laughed.

"I can't see you driving this," Sanji said to Law suspiciously, as Bepo walked over to him, depositing the keys into his hand. He looked down at the single key with a shiny emblem of a four leaf clover on it. "Is this _your_ car?"

"Just because I don't play with my toys all the time doesn't mean I don't have any," Law said to him patiently. He reached to him, brushing his blond hair from his face, touched his chin. "Now, listen to me. I am entrusting you into the care of one of my most valuable things. You must treat it as if it's very fragile, and if you damage it in anyway, I will most certainly kill you. You must think of it as very rare treasure, because in actuality, you cannot find a replacement for it anywhere in the States. Is this understood?"

Sanji looked at the car with a tentative frown, then back at him. "You're making me nervous."

"I hope it does, perhaps it'll help you to be careful," Law told him. "I am trusting you with my _life_."

"This is an empty parking lot."

"You can do this, Sanji," Bepo whispered, paws together. "Believe in yourself."

With a low exhale, Sanji approached the car, nervously fiddling with the key that glittered in the palm of his hand. The inside of the vehicle was outfitted with what smelled like new leather. The dashboard had been recently modified to accommodate a glowing sound system, and there was the odd sight of three pedals on the floor, just beyond the very clean floormats that looked as if they had been taken from the same cow that made up the seats.

"Why are there three of them?" Sanji asked Law, who looked over his shoulder to see what he was pointing at.

"Huh. Indeed."

"Sanji, this is a stick shift vehicle," Bepo explained. "One pedal is the clutch. The other is the brake, and the last is the gas."

Sanji looked at them with question, then at Law once more. "I've never seen this type of vehicle, before. Zeff drives an automatic. It can't be that hard to learn, right?"

"I don't know. I don't know how to drive stick, either." Law kissed his forehead. Then he looked at Bepo. "Take care of my baby. Don't fuck up."

Sanji blushed. " _Ah_ …."

"He's not even full grown, yet!" Law said, reaching up to pet Bepo tenderly. "He has so many years to go!"

"Senpai, I am actually full grown," Bepo said, not resisting as he leaned into the touch with a delighted smile.

Sanji scowled at him once he realized Law was talking about the bear. "You animal loving, gluten free, tree hugging gay-vampire. Enough of that! Let's start."

"Bepo will be teaching you. That's why I told you to be careful. My most valuable treasure, you're irreplaceable and precious," Law said, reaching up to scratch at Bepo's neck, causing the bear to lean into the scratching with a satisfied and delighted air. "Don't let this silly child kill you while I enjoy the company of my gluten free companions."

Sanji kicked him before turning and getting into the car with a huff, jamming the key into the ignition. He adjusted the seat and pulled on his seatbelt, gripping the slim steering wheel within both hands as Bepo hurriedly smushed himself into the passenger side seat, looking at him patiently. After a few moments of instruction, the car started with a roar.

"You're an ass," Zoro told Law as he walked over to them. "A stick shift? Nobody drives that, nowadays. Why are you making it so hard for him?"

"He wants to learn to drive so bad, he might as well as start from the very bottom of things."

"You are intentionally sabotaging his efforts."

"I don't even know how to drive a stick shift," Penguin snickered.

"My grandpa has a car like this one, but I never got it, either," Shachi said.

"Whose car is this, really?" Zoro asked suspiciously.

They all watched as Bepo instructed Sanji to push the clutch in, to push the gearshift into first. The car died out with a jerk.

When Sanji restarted it, following Bepo's patient instruction, the car inched forward for a bit, then died again, engine revving noisily. A few more times of this, and he finally had it moving forward, until he had to change gears into second. With a severe grinding that made the others wince, the car jerked a few times, but continued moving. Bepo's patient tone continued instructing Sanji, until he had to make a turn at the end of the parking lot, slowing down to first with clumsy action. Once he realized he wasn't slowing down and making the turn fast enough to avoid the fence, he winced, hitting the brakes.

At the sound of a light crunch of metal and a wobbling metal pole, everyone laughed. Bepo had to instruct Sanji to leave it in neutral, allowing him to push the entire vehicle back away from the fence so that he could make a tight enough turn to drive away from it.

"SHUT UP, ASSHOLES!" Sanji yelled at them as he hastily hand rolled the window down. Then rolled it back up, his angry breath fogging up the glass.

"No, seriously, whose car is this?" Zoro asked. At the secretive smirks on three faces, Zoro gave up wanting to know.

Bepo returned to his side of the car. Once Sanji managed to get the car going again, the vehicle jerking every so often as he switched gears, the grind tearing horribly into the cold morning air, he focused on his task, holding onto the wheel with white knuckles.

He made a few turns in the parking lot, learning how to switch from first to third, gears grinding ever so often. When it came to practicing his parking, though, he had a hard time letting off the gas to shift, and when the car died in a spot, he hung over the wheel with relief.

"We're making beautiful steps today, Sanji! You've done more than those jokesters have in their entire life!" Bepo said encouragingly. "Soon, only you and I will know how to drive a stick-shift, and that's true talent! Now, start it up, and put it into reverse."

Once Sanji did as he instructed, he had trouble judging the distance of the mirror view compared to turning and looking over the seat. As he pressed down on the gas, he panicked because he meant to touch the brake in order to slow the sudden movement, and hit the clutch. Correcting it, he meant to hit the brake, but hit the gas, and thus slammed the back bumper into a nearby light pole, causing him and Bepo to jerk forward.

The others erupted into laughter once more.

With a growl, Sanji restarted the car, and meant to pull out away, but ended up slamming back into the pole once more, tires squealing against the pavement. He let go of the gas, but the car jerked and died. With a snarl of frustration, he started the car up, put it into first, and pulled away from the pole. As he was pulling away, it slowly came down behind him, slamming over the trunk and back windshield with a spectacular crash that lift his feet in an automatic cringe, the car dying with a sputter.

The others were dying of laughter.

Bepo waited patiently while Sanji snatched the seatbelt off, climbed out of the car, and kicked the pole out of the pavement, snapping another kick to send the broken thing far away from them. It sailed high up into the air, arching a few blocks away until it dropped out of sight.

Sanji climbed back into the car once more, started it, and patiently coaxed the vehicle forward. Once Bepo was satisfied with his forward action, he asked that he stop. Once Sanji had the vehicle rumbling perfect in neutral, Bepo asked him to reverse. This time, Sanji was able to judge the distance better, and backed perfectly into an empty spot. Satisfied, Bepo encouraged him to continue forward again. This time, they drove without much trouble around the parking lot.

"I'm not impressed," Shachi scoffed. "I bet stick shift's easy to manage."

"He's already had a lot of practice with handling the stick," Law agreed.

"I thought this was his first time – YOU _BASTARD_."

"God, you're so _slow_ ," Penguin complained as Shachi reddened, pulling his hat over his face with mortification.

"We're ready, senpai," Bepo said, leaning out the window as Sanji pulled up next to them, exhaling with relief.

"Sanji, remember what I said earlier," Law said to the blond, who scowled at him. "I will never forgive you if something happens."

"Sleep on the couch tonight!" Sanji snapped at him, the car dying as he failed to put it in neutral. He started the car up again, adjusting the gears with a terrible grinding until he got it right.

"Well, this should be interesting," Zoro said, rising from the pavement, swords adjusted. "Let me in, bear. I can be the backseat driver."

"I swear, if you get lippy with me while we're out there, we're handling it in the middle of the road!" Sanji snapped at him, lighting up a cigarette as Bepo leaned far forward in his seat to allow Zoro to climb into the back, sweeping aside glass shards as he did so.

Once the car sputtered slowly to the entrance way of the parking lot, Bepo intending on taking Sanji on a practice drive around the neighborhood, Law looked at Penguin, Shachi and Chopper.

"We've got exactly twenty minutes," he said, looking at his phone. "Let's do our best, today."

"Aye, aye!" Penguin and Shachi said with glee, racing off towards Penguin's souped up Ford Focus RS.

"What are we going to do?" Chopper asked curiously.

"We're going to instruct Sanji on how to maintain his composure while under pressure. The best way to go about it is when he's under terrible stress caused by outside forces," Law said airily. "Such things are conducted by close family and friends – that way it's safe."

Chopper looked at him with some confusion. "What sort of 'stress'?"

When the RS pulled up next to them, Shachi was loading his semi- automatic rifle, and Penguin held out his .50 caliber Desert Eagle with a clap on the driver's side door, Chopper froze with horror. Law scooped him up and carried him with him into the backseat, the pair in front laughing with glee as tires squealed over the pavement.

Twenty minutes later, Sanji, Bepo and Zoro stumbled away from the wrecked car, all of them in a state of disarray. The once gleaming red beauty was now a destructed mess – bullet holes in the side, busted tires, broken windows – the driver's side door was broken off, left somewhere near the gas station they'd passed minutes ago. It was sitting sideways against a metal railing overlooking the nearby water canal, and horrified pedestrians across from them were taking pictures. Sanji was pretty traumatized, but he was also pissed as well. Zoro looked like he was minutes from a heart attack, having sliced off the roof of the car just to get out and deflect the ammunition fired their way. He'd considered jumping onto the Focus RS plenty of times to finish the job, but Penguin either backed to a safe distance or Sanji's horribly new coordination in shifting gears and maintaining his lane made it unsafe. Bepo's throat was sore from screaming, his fur wet with sweat.

He shook out glass as Sanji fell to his knees onto the cold pavement. Somehow, the car caught flame, and he was pretty sure that was impossible. The car was just _sitting_ there. He gaped at it for a few moments, then looked up when the sound of an approaching vehicle came up to them. In the distance, sirens gathered.

Penguin leaned out the window, Desert Eagle at rest. "Did you run out of gas?"

"Hey, hussy, great reflexes!" Shachi hollered from his side of the car, handing Chopper his spent clip. "That was an awesome 's' turn back there! Penguin can't drive like that!"

"I was pretty impressed," Penguin admitted. "I mean, it happened between a gas truck, a day care van, and a conveniently placed patrol car. I give him props – I'd trust him to drive me on the short bus to school."

"You fuckers!" Zoro shouted at them, grasping his heart. " _WHY_?"

"Sanji, you no longer have to work hard to impress me," Law decided, pushing out from behind Penguin to hang out the window, Penguin crammed against the wheel. "That pretty much did it, today. You passed with flying colors."

"I WAS ONLY LEARNING _HOW_ TO _DRIVE_ , NOT _DIE_!"

"You did well for the first time, Sanji, you have to admit," Bepo admitted, sitting heavily as his legs gave out from underneath him. "But I agree with you both…YOU JERKS! You didn't even let me in on this!"

"We'd better go before they catch up to us," Zoro said to Sanji reluctantly, gesturing in the direction of the sirens.

Law climbed out of the car, Chopper following him. Then he gestured at Zoro to jump in, and the man did – the other two looking at him reluctantly as he realized the payback opportunity.

"Be nice to each other," Law told them, looking back at Sanji as Chopper raced over to him with a concerned expression. He then looked at the flaming car, wondering how it caught fire.

"We'd better go, too, senpai," Bepo said shakily.

"Right. _Room_."

Moments later, the four of them were standing on the other side of the canal, having replaced a few of the onlookers closest to the treeline. Once there, Sanji looked at him, then reached for him, snarling.

"One moment, this is going to take a lot of effort," Law said, pausing him in place with a finger to his lips, lightly pushing him back. Sanji lowered his hands, watching as Law extended the width of his room a considerable distance. Bepo looked at him with worry, the strain obvious on the man's face. Moments later, the flaming red car was replaced by a gleaming black Shelby GT, the car crunching into the railing with such force that both men inside slammed against the windshield.

Once Sanji realized that Law had switched the damaged car with another, he looked at the passengers with worry, sure that Law had been careless. After all, the car had been in motion before it was switched.

But once a man spilled out from the driver's seat with fluid curses, cops pulling up on them with shouts and screams for him to put his hands up, Sanji realized who it was.

"You went and took _Kid's_ car for this?" he asked on an annoyed tone.

"Like I'd entrust you with mine," Law said, giving him a rather haughty look. "And besides, Kid's got a large collection of cars we can borrow. I'm sure he won't mind if we use one every once in a while."

Bepo frowned at him. "Senpai, the red one was on fire. If it reaches the gas tank, it'll explode."

"I wouldn't worry about it."

"You're such an ass!" Sanji exclaimed, grabbing him by his jacket. "How could you do that to me? I was fucking terrified!"

"You did good, today. Bepo is unharmed."

"I have to admit, I did have to do things right as you assholes were shooting at me," Sanji said reluctantly, straightening his own jacket. "And I did appreciate the action. I just feel that we could've gone about it in another way."

"I forgive you for all the mean words you said just now."

"WHAT 'MEAN' WORDS -?"

"You'll have your driver's license in no time, Sanji!" Bepo said cheerfully.

"I'M NOT DRIVING WITH YOU ASSHOLES AGAIN!"

With a hurt expression, Law drew away from him. "Who else would help you after this?"

: :

"YES! Sanji! This is going to be great! I'm the greatest instructor there is, I mean, this brat here learned directly from me," Ace assured him, happily shaking his hand and then hugging him instead as Luffy stood nearby, hands on his hips and wide grin on his face.

"Please take care of me!" Sanji said politely in response, a little unnerved by the close contact.

"Ace is such a hugger," Luffy said to Law, explaining his actions.

Law scowled heavily as Ace held the hug for far longer than was necessary. So he ended up cramming his sword between them and prying the man away from Sanji, glaring at him.

"Right! Well! It's an automatic, I mean, I hope you don't mind," Ace laughed, pointing at the dented Gremlin nearby, causing Law to grimace at the sight of it.

"It's certainly made its share of fantastic food runs!" Luffy exclaimed.

"That mousetrap is your car?" Law asked dubiously.

"No, no, no, he's kidding," Sabo said quickly, nearly out of breath as he reached them with a tired expression.

Law wasn't familiar with Luffy's family – so as the more 'normal' brother approached them, he felt a little better. Ace looked like he'd just rolled out of bed with his shaggy black hair, sweats and a hooded sweater. He was wearing puppy slippers with worn out heels. Luffy was in a near similar outfit, while Sabo looked as if he'd been out shopping in his athletic tracksuit and tennis shoes that should've been thrown into the trash the day they were bought.

With a polite smile at Sanji, Sabo said, "Don't worry, I'm going along with you. Ace is a little…well, it took both of us to teach Luffy, but Luffy passed his test on the first try. He's spectacular with parallel parking!"

"Automatic or stickshift?" Sanji asked cautiously, Sabo pointing at a nearby Corolla with a missing hubcap.

"Automatic, of course! No one drives stick shift, anymore. Come along. And, you, it's best that you stay here with Luffy. I don't want him to feel pressured," Sabo added, pointing at Law, then Luffy.

"You'll do fine, Sanji!" Luffy assured him, Law frowning at Ace with warning.

"We'll take really good care of him," Ace assured him, reaching out with an arm around Sanji's waist. "Of course, here's hoping he can handle being double teamed."

"With both of you guys there, I'm sure I'll do fine," Sanji said cheerfully, a little grateful for a change in presence, as it was another perspective.

"I don't like this," Law muttered, as Ace kept his arm on his waist as he walked alongside Sanji, Sabo patiently explaining to Sanji the basics of proper blinker usage.

"Don't worry, Sabo's really strict. If he feels you don't know how to make a full stop at a red light, he makes you do it over and over again until you do it in your dreams," Luffy muttered, twitching slightly. "And he's really tough about the blinker."

As the three of them climbed into the car, Luffy leaned in close to him.

"Hey, Law. Want to see something special?" he asked on a very low whisper, causing Law to frown at him in turn.

Once he realized Luffy was pulling his sweats from his waist, his expression dropped with horror. But the teen dropped his pants to reveal basketball shorts, reaching up to their second floor apartment balcony to retrieve a basketball ball.

"Let's play one on one," Luffy challenged, dribbling the ball through his legs, then switching to a ball fake.

" _ **NO**_."

"Good on you! Because I would be embarrassed if I lost to me, too."

Law narrowed his eyes. Pulling out his cellphone, he tapped out a message, then removed his jacket, setting it onto the bench near him. His hat went with it. Moments later, Shachi and Penguin stood there, stretching their limbs, ready to play. Luffy scowled at him as he laid down on the bench, folding his arms behind his head. "Challenge accepted."

"That's _cheating_!" Luffy exclaimed.

"Heard you got game, Strawhat. We challenge you! Or are you scared?" Shachi stressed, removing his glasses and hat, tossing both onto Law. Luffy looked at him with an awed expression, dropping the ball.

"My threes have been straight nuclear bombs since this morning," Penguin warned him, removing his hat and tossing it after Shachi's things, Law looking at them with irritation. He placed his phone on its highest volume setting, set it against the crook of his neck and the collar of his sweater, then dozed off as the game started.

Ten minutes later, after some very strict exercises with parking, reversing and parallel parking, Sabo decided that Sanji was ready to start driving around the block. As Sanji was pulling up to the apartment complex's main exit, Sabo praising him for his smooth ability to make soft stops, Ace leaned between them, pointing outward with a hard grimace.

"Wait, who's that?" he asked, causing both blonds to look forward.

Blocking the path ahead of them was a sleek black towncar with a heavily damaged rooftop and a windshield speckled with broken edges. The driver was grim-faced, clutching the steering wheel gloved hands. Sanji frowned, trying to remember if he'd offended anybody in the syndicates lately. When the visor was lifted, he realized he was looking at Daz Bones. When the door to the back seat opened, a man stepping out with a flair of his jacket, Ace whistled.

"How many seals did it take for him to make that coat?" he wondered aloud as Sabo reached out to the car horn and honked once.

"Please move, sir!" he said aloud, waving a hand at Crocodile as he removed his cigar from his mouth.

Sabo honked again while Sanji searched his memory, trying to see if any of the Strawhats – or Law, damn him – had offended the man in some way. But as sand began to rise between them, the towncar backing away, Sanji narrowed his eyes, placing his hands at 10 and 2. Ace looked at him with a spreading grin while Sabo reached over and honked the horn again.

"Get out of that damn can," Crocodile snarled low, nose wrinkled. "BLACK LEG! For the crime you've committed against me, I'll make you and your little friends wish you'd never come back!"

"I don't know what I did, but bring it," Sanji muttered, stepping on the gas, much to Sabo's horror, Ace laughing with glee.

Ten minutes later, Law snorted himself awake, blinking away the sleepy haze around his vision until he was aware of his surroundings. He looked over to see if the pair had beaten Luffy yet. Luffy was looking at his phone with a grim expression, Shachi right behind him, fist curled tightly with concentration. Penguin was lying on the court with his arms out, and when Law straightened up from the bench, he realized that someone had piled various pebble piles on him.

"Got him!" Luffy cried, dancing in place while Shachi cheered.

"Sanji's not back, yet?" Law asked crankily, rubbing the kink out of his neck.

"Not yet! C'mon! I bet we can find a rock type in that wall, over there!" Luffy said, both him and Shachi hurrying off, phone leading the way.

Law walked over to Penguin and realized he was sleeping. He wondered who won the game, and looked at his phone, sure he hadn't been sleeping that long. He looked up at the sight of movement from the corner of his eye and realized the trio was walking back, looking battered. Sabo was carrying his car's steering wheel, Ace was obscenely shirtless, and Sanji looked guilty.

"What happened?" he asked in alarm, sitting onto Penguin's chest.

"Crocodile," Sanji muttered, scratching his chin while Sabo looked at his steering wheel with a sad frown. Ace was chuckling, parts of his hair smoking slightly. "I guess I should be lucky that the light pole I'd kicked this morning hit his car, and nobody else."

"And what did we learn today?" Law asked him firmly.

"Not to kick light poles _up_."

"My car!" Sabo complained. "Look, I'm all up for helping a friend out, but…I sort of needed a reliable ride to get to work."

"That was one of the best driving lessons I'd ever had," Ace admitted, reaching over to ruffle Sanji's hair, then smoothed it back into place, deliberately stroking his face. "You sure do know how to show a man a good time."

"I will handle it. Please be here tonight at eleven," Law assured Sabo as he stood, taking Sanji's hand and leading him away from Ace before the man could touch him again.

"But other than that, he did beautifully! He follows instruction quite well!" Sabo said.

"Probably too well in some aspects," Ace added with a leer. "What else can he do?"

"I think I've had enough driving lessons for today," Sanji muttered, hand in Law's face and pushing him to the side once he sensed his murderous intentions towards Ace. "I'm fairly confident with the basics."

"You did awesome! Just study the booklet a little more, and pay more attention to your mirrors," Sabo advised him, swatting Ace's hand when he spotted the man reaching out to touch Sanji's hair. "Look with your _eyes_ , not your entire head. Maybe a change of hairstyle?"

"Maybe," Sanji agreed reluctantly. "Thank you."

" _Eleven_ ," Law stressed to Sabo, before frowning at Ace as Sanji wandered over to Penguin, nudging him with his shoe to see if he were dead.

"Rich people scare me," Sabo muttered to Ace, before walking towards the stairway to their apartment, missing seeing Ace flip Law off with a grin. Sabo found Luffy's pants abandoned next to the basketball court and picked them up with consternation. "Right. LUFFY! Damn it. Go find your brother, Ace. He's missing his pants, again."

"That kid found his special purpose in life! Let him live it to the fullest!" Ace laughed, wandering off.

The next day, Law clutched his seatbelt with both hands, Chopper trying hard not to get sick. Both of them jerked forward once Sanji hit the brakes with a snarl, sailing past the stop sign. Luckily, the country roads were only a few cars here and there, but the long distances between houses and entranceways to various secluded neighborhoods guaranteed plenty of stop signs.

Once they hit the backseat upon stoppage of movement, Zeff snapped, "You damned shit! You nearly gave me whiplash! Who the hell taught you how to drive? You obviously drive like a distracted woman!"

"Shut UP, you old fart! If you weren't talking to me, I would've seen that we were coming up to a damned stop sign! What the fuck are you looking, ass?"

"He's looking at the _idiot_ behind the wheel! He has the right of way, jackass! You're the dumbass who thinks stop signs don't apply to him! What the hell are you doing? Don't go forward just yet – you wait until he's cleared his lane! What is wrong with you? Are you trying to fuck up my car?"

"GOD, SHUT UP! You keep yapping over a stupid mistake! I did it! It's over with! Let it go! It's just one stupid stop sign!"

"Ease up on the gas, speed racer! This isn't your car!"

"I'm barely pushing on it, geezer!"

"Stop calling me old! I'm not that fucking old! Slow the hell down, you shitty brat!"

"I didn't even hit the speed limit yet! How the hell am I supposed to hit the speed limit if I can't even touch the gas - ! STOP TOUCHING THE BRAKES!"

"My foot is on _my_ fucking brake because you're speeding like a jackass!"

"Sanji? I feel really sick," Chopper complained, everyone's heads snapping forward as Sanji hit the brakes, certain that meant he was going to puke. Then he put on his blinker, and eased the car over the shoulder.

"Don't go too far over, you're going to run over some sort of debris and make my tires flat!" Zeff snapped at Sanji impatiently.

"I'm getting off the damn road so Chopper can get some fresh air! Stop nagging at me!"

"I'm not nagging! I'm just saying! Ease up on the fucking gas, and put this thing in park!"

" _I'm not on the gas_!"

"Nobody in their right mind will give you a license, you dandy ass Jeff Gordon!"

"I'm riding on the damn brakes!"

"What do you want to do, you want to ruin my goddamn tires? Pull off the side of the road - !"

"I'M _ALL THE WAY_ OFF THE ROAD!"

Later that night, Law stared up at the ceiling while Sanji seethed next to him, holding a pillow tightly in both hands. He'd spent most of the night saying all the things he'd thought of later in response to Zeff's teachings. Both Law and Chopper hid while Sanji cleaned the entire apartment, snarling and snapping at various topics, both of them too scared – "smart", Law said in his case – to draw Sanji's attention their way.

"At least you were able to drive a long distance," Law said tentatively.

"I could've done it without his help! I don't _need_ his help! That fucking bastard, talking to me that way! Who the hell does he think he is? Doesn't he know I still feel the impulse to kill him? I could kill him next time! He thinks my kicks are a goddamn weapon? I have a fucking thousand plus pound weapon at my goddamn hand! I'll kill us both by driving into traffic, or rolling us a goddamn cliff! He wants to talk to me like I'm a fucking child? HELL WITH HIM!"

Law vowed he was not going to stay in a car with Sanji if Sanji were pissed at him. He rolled onto his side while Sanji took his frustration out on his pillow.

The next morning, Corazon smiled brightly at Sanji, Sanji automatically returning the smile as Gladius stood solemnly nearby.

"Good morning, Sanji! Law!" Corazon exclaimed, sipping carefully at his iced drink while Gladius' eyes narrowed ever so slightly, taking a step away from him. "This is our driver, Gladius. You've met him, right?"

"A few times," Sanji admitted.

"He's going to teach you how to drive, today. He is honestly the best driver we have here, capable of allowing us to elude the authorities, escape the parking meter maid, and catch up to various food trucks. He also thinks stop signs and stop lights are for pussies," Corazon said, digging out his cigarettes. Law snatched them from him, then took his lighter, stuffing them into his jacket pockets. Corazon frowned at him, but sipped at his drink, leaving bright red marks on his green straw.

"Where's Doffy?" Law asked him, seeing that the driveway was clear of his uncle.

"He said he needed donuts. He went out about ten minutes, ago," Corazon said with certainty. "Don't worry, I made sure he'll be gone long enough to avoid seeing us as we set out. Gladius will take Sanji down the street, to the suburb over there. Their streets are generally nice and quiet. Plenty of roundabouts, speed bumps and children playing in the road, so it's not that dangerous."

"I see. Thanks."

"I'm happy for you, Sanji! I'm pretty confident you'll get your driver's license in no time at all!" Corazon said, reaching out and patting his shoulder.

"Thanks, Cora!"

Corazon's phone then chirped, and he looked at it with a frown.

" _Damn_ him," he snarled low, turning away from them as several of their minions raced out from the mansion, jumping into black vehicles with dark windows. A couple of them hurried over to him, patiently escorting him towards a SUV type. "He's upset the bakery manager again, I need to take care of this. Gladius! You know what to do! Take care of our dau – I mean, our child's special someone!"

"I don't like the way your tongue slipped," Law said suspiciously.

But the flood of vehicles on an urgent mission tore through the manned gates in a rush of black, and he frowned as he wondered if this was a ploy. Moments later, he felt his phone vibrate, and pulled it from his jacket. Seeing Bepo being held against his will in some dank warehouse setting, he looked at Sanji with consideration. Then at Gladius, who looked utterly pained that this task was given to him. Another vibration of his phone showed Bepo looking anxious, holding a sign that read 'ten minutes'.

"10 and 2, brat. Ease up on the gas pedal. And for god's sake, don't use your entire head to look at your mirrors!"

"Where are you going?" Sanji asked him with worry.

"An urgent matter has come up."

"Are those two threatening to dye Bepo's fur pink again?" Sanji asked impatiently.

"No. How dare you presume that a bear is more important than you are." Law kissed him quickly and was gone, Sanji knowing that this was an entire lie. He looked at Gladius, then at the towncar next to them.

"You're not driving. You're going to just watch _me_ drive," Gladious told him crankily.

"How am I going to learn like that?" Sanji complained, but climbed into the car anyway. There was a window barrier between their seats and the back seat, and it was currently closed. The front smelled like cigarette smoke and fast food, and the steering wheel looked dented in places, like the man had either been gripping it hard enough to bend it, or hitting it in frustration. With Corazon and Doflamingo's demanding antics, it probably had been both.

As Gladius climbed in, he started the car and pulled away from the driveway, turning right onto the main road. Sanji sat patiently, looking out the window, reviewing the lessons he had so far.

Then Gladius pulled over a block away, grumbling as he left the car rumbling. "Get out."

"What?"

"Get out!"

Sanji did so reluctantly, anxiously watching as Gladius walked away, headed back to the mansion. Then the back door of the car opened, and Doflamingo poked his head out, grinning wide.

"I heard my daughter needed driving lessons! Well, forget everything you've learned so far!" he chuckled, rising out from the back seat like a pink-feathered phoenix.

" _I'm not a girl_! But considering all the lessons I've been taking these past couple of days, I don't think there's anything else for you to teach me," Sanji said, hesitating just for a moment as Doflamingo gestured that he take the driver's side.

"No one has to know that I'm here," Doflamingo told him. "After all, no one thought to tell me that this was happening – I'm sure they meant to, but it slipped their minds. But once you take that seat, forget about the seatbelt. As a warrior of the road, you don't want to be trapped in a moving tin can, do you? NO! You want an easy way out to escape when you're rolling this bitch through the neighborhood, after initializing Plan A!"

"I'm pretty sure I won't roll anything…but what's 'Plan A'?" Sanji asked curiously, certain that this was a bad idea. He had to be neutral with all the syndicate heads. He couldn't be favoring any of them – even if he had a past with the Donquixote family, he needed to treat them as equally as the other heads.

"Never mind. Just drive. The road is calling you. Besides, I just installed a newer version of this game on my phone, and it's super intense," Doflamingo told him, showing him the screen. "I overheard Cora talking about the chill neighborhood over there, you'll just do a driveby through it. There's no danger in suburbia except for getting lost."

"'Mowgli's Great Escape'?" Sanji repeated skeptically. It was only driving lesson. And everything Doflamingo suggested, he figured he'd do the opposite of. He was pretty sure the man never drove a vehicle in his life – Sanji had only seen him in the backseat with someone else at the helm. With a short sigh, he climbed into the driver's seat, automatically reaching for the seatbelt. But Doflamingo cleared his throat noisily as he took his seat in the back once more, massive feet propped up on the middle console.

"A 'chill' neighborhood," Sanji repeated, putting the car into gear.

Sure enough, Doflamingo ignored him for a few minutes. Sanji was pretty comfortable pulling up to various stop signs, yielding to incoming traffic through the roundabouts, and even used his blinker at correct times. The area was quiet, with beautiful houses, wide yards, kids playing in the streets. Old people spoke to each other over white picket fences. Cats perched atop of fences and surveyed their territory.

Sanji admired the sights around himself, careful not to look with his whole head at his mirrors. He stopped for pedestrians. He heard Doflamingo make a few calls – he was going to ignore the threats of violence, negotiation for better weapons deals and a Chinese take out delivery set for 5 pm because Doflamingo was being extra nice, today – and when the bigger man realized that Sanji had cruised through the entire stretch of neighborhoods, he put his phone down.

"Make a right, and take three streetlights to the KFC, there," Doflamingo said, pointing ahead of him. "You can't miss it, it's pretty straight forward."

Sanji followed his instruction, feeling a little nervous with more traffic around him, with people who cut in front of him and who braked suddenly because of their own decisions. He was only slightly sweaty with tension as he pulled up to the last light on Doflamingo's route when he heard a clatter of sound behind him. He tried not to look, because that often meant bad things.

"Listen here, girly boy, I'm going to give you the most important advice you can ever receive behind the wheel," Doflamingo said, snapping something noisily with both hands.

"I've pretty much heard it all," Sanji assured him, trying to look into the rearview mirror for clues. The KFC came into view, and he saw the spread of bright cars, the display of young flesh. It looked like a bunch of young adults were gathered for some sort of party, and their music was loud and electronic until he realized it was Apoo Scratchman's crowd.

The young syndicate head was atop of one car, slapping out a beat on his chest, and while it looked like he was having a fine time, he caught sight of the black towncar moving up towards them. Then he just looked terrified.

"My advice for you," Doflamingo said, opening the sunroof, and standing up. The sight of him sent people scattering, and Apoo leapt off the car, hands going to his head as he raced for cover. At the ear ringing sounds of an automatic weapon firing off, Sanji about screamed with horror. "First off, is to drive fast. NOW!"

Once Sanji saw guns in the hands of those who made it to cover, he did step on the gas. Smoke lifted into the air once a few cars raced out from the parking lot, intending on giving chase. Apoo threw himself into the backseat of one of the SUV's pointing in their direction.

"OH MY GOD!" Sanji exclaimed with horror, looking in the side mirror as they began catching up.

Doflamingo laughed, pulling down from the sunroof, tossing aside his gun. "SECOND LESSON! You can only learn through action! And this is the most action you'll ever get! A car chase will teach you the _true_ ways of survival! And when you're on the road, encased within a steel cage that can only be operated by your hands, you can only learn through true terror how to drive! This is your life, GB! Decide what you want to do with it!"

"YOU BASTARD!" Sanji shouted, bullets shattering windows, hitting the trunk of the car. He pushed on the gas as Doflamingo laughed, picking up his phone.

"Thatta girl! Ha ha ha! Get us home, safely. That's all you need to do – oh, goody! The cops! Truly, _definitely_ , they'll save us from – oh, wait, guess not. Guess they're going after everybody. You don't want to get caught, girly boy. With your looks, you'd have a very hard time keeping the vermin off you in jail. Here, drive through this neighborhood here – they'll drop back once they see the kids playing in the road – oh, guess not, they're still coming. Disregard the speed bumps! They're only minor obstacles! Drive _fast!_ They're going to launch you into next week, and that's how you want to escape these bastards! Hahaha! The gas pedal is your friend! Disregard the brakes! They've done nothing but lie to you! _More_ speed! They're shooting at your tires! Hahahah! Excellent! You make me so proud!"

: :

"As disappointed as I am in you for falling such an obvious ploy," Law said later that night, watching the highlights of the spectacular car chase that ended when the car rolled off the freeway off ramp and landed roof down into a line of cars in the parking lot. Sanji lit up the department of motor vehicles booklet he needed to study to apply for his license with the end of his cigarette, and let the entire thing burn atop of the grill he'd used to cook earlier. "...I am rather impressed with how fast you learned."

"I am _never_ getting behind the wheel ever again," Sanji muttered.


End file.
